Ashers water is leaking.
On steroids, antibiotics, and mag sulfate to try to keep labor stopped, for the other two.
This doc said its Asher. It doesn't matter, he is going to die anyway.
2 wks. 2 more wks. thats the goal.
On the wall I have a chart of survival rates based on gestational age. I'm 24 wks.

at 24 weeks: 40-70% survival rate

at 25 weeks: 50-80% survival rate

at 26 weeks: 80-90% survival rate

at 27 weeks: greater than 90% survival rate

For this child I prayed and the Lord has given me what I've asked of Him. So now I give him to the Lord

Back in the hospital. Have been dealing with preterm labor and trying to stop it, and pneumonia.
Mike is here for the weekend, but come sunday evening if things are pretty stable as they are now, he will be headed back home, but will come back next weekend.

We want to transfer me to the hospital back home, but don't know at this point if that will happen.

Every time I cough I think my head is going to explode. It seriously feels like it. More cough syrup, a breathing treatment, humidifier, and an icepack for my head.

So slightly more than a simple cold, bronchitis. On antibiotics and cough syrup thats making me pretty loopy. As well as making me slow it makes the babies slow and I don't feel them moving as much, I dont like that at all. I dont think they would give me something thats not safe. still worries me

I have a cold dammit.

I'm sick. just a stupid cold. But even a cold makes my blood sugar go really haywire and high bad. It also means I have to avoid dad(who had his last chemo yesterday! yay!).
I've spent most of the day shut in my room, humidifier steaming strong with a heating pad on my lower back and a hot pack on my neck thats infused with menthol and eucalyptus essential oils. It's actually heavenly feeling. I admit, I can seriously be a whiney baby when I'm sick. Simple colds are the worst though.
Lots of warm fuzzy blankets a heating pad or hot pack, a bottle of water a bottle of juice and a cup of hot tea.
on the list of things that should probably offend me but don't, My mother had some friends over yesterday. She introduced her unborn grandbabies first.

idiots sometimes rule the world.

Weird situation I'm dealing with.
I know a person that has 3 kids, two are twins, under the age of 18 months. She claims she never knew she was pregnant with her first until a couple weeks before he was born, never had symptoms, had done pregnancy tests but they were all negative etc. Then bam, pregnant and having a kid. With the twins, she found out only a couple months before they were born. Same thing, tested negative etc.
So, now she is pregnant again. Due july 30-aug 15th. She says she is 25 wks. I'm 22 wks due oct 4th with a planned birth of sept 3rd. but if she is due aug 15th that would make her nearly 30 wks.
Is my math off or does this make no sense?
Last week she had an episode of bleeding and she says first they told her she was having a period. then they said a miscarriage. and now they are doing another ultrasound on friday because the one they did that day didn't show anything wrong.
Another friend confided in me that this person told her the doctors told her that its all in her head. So...for now I don't let it get to me. Ignore her.

What really got me this morning was a conversation with her.
We were talking about Asher dying. And I was talking about how in some ways its more difficult than the multiple miscarriages. They were sudden and unexpected, this I have months to think about and prepare for. She said "yes I know exactly how you feel, with the others i only had like weeks to get ready but this one is bad."
How can it be bad? It's wonderful to have time to prepare for a baby. I know I have 2 others to get ready for. I know I have time to try to prepare for Ashers death. but ffs. how the hell do you ever prepare yourself for the death of a baby compared to the birth of a baby?

I feel so self centered and selfish right now. I *know* there are other moms going through this right now. I know there is one at least that will be delivering this week. I want to reach out, give her hugs, encouragement, but its so hard to because I know soon I will be that mom.
I had 3 miscarriages prior to this pregnancy. Each sudden and unexpected. This is different. I have months and months to know my baby will die. I have months to prepare for it. How exactly are you supposed to prepare for your baby dying? I know I also have 2 to prepare for that will live, but sometimes I can't even think of getting ready for them. There is that small but what if in my head. You know, the what if something happens to them...it will be easier if I am not ready. It's not fair to them. What kind of mother am I going to be able to be to them when I'm already grieving?
I pray. a lot. I pray for God to do something. and I pray for strength. I think my faith is weak.