I feel so self centered and selfish right now. I *know* there are other moms going through this right now. I know there is one at least that will be delivering this week. I want to reach out, give her hugs, encouragement, but its so hard to because I know soon I will be that mom.
I had 3 miscarriages prior to this pregnancy. Each sudden and unexpected. This is different. I have months and months to know my baby will die. I have months to prepare for it. How exactly are you supposed to prepare for your baby dying? I know I also have 2 to prepare for that will live, but sometimes I can't even think of getting ready for them. There is that small but what if in my head. You know, the what if something happens to them...it will be easier if I am not ready. It's not fair to them. What kind of mother am I going to be able to be to them when I'm already grieving?
I pray. a lot. I pray for God to do something. and I pray for strength. I think my faith is weak.