Friday, April 30, 2010

I know I really need to stop reading things. I came across two articles tonight about babies born with anencephaly. One lived 3 yrs, one 18 months.
I ask myself if its really possible. The girl that lived 3 yrs, she was on a vent periodically and had a lot of respiratory problems. The other had a feeding tube and was on oxygen in her nose. They both had only a brain stem.
Do I want to hope, do we try, do we just wait and see?
I really don't know where to go. Hell, half the time lately I don't know which way is up.

Dear Asher,
how I wish you could talk to me, to tell me what I need to know, to tell me what you need.
Instead I try to make plans for you, for us, when there is a black curtain stopping me from seeing.
I know I have been unrealistic in some of my plans and ideas, but I hold a hope that there is a chance for us.
I live each day knowing that you won't be with us long, each day so far is a gift, and my one desire is to meet you alive. To hold and kiss you, to feel your sweet breath and the soft beat of your heart.
For now I have to content myself to seeing it on scans. You are so close to your sister its often hard to find just your heartbeat, they give up and just use an ultrasound. I don't mind this, as it gives me another chance to see you.
I love you

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