I feel like I am giving up on you. We have decided not to subject you to possibly painful medical procedures in an attempt to prolong your life. We have decided to accept you for however long God gives you to us. But am I giving you a fair chance? Am I wrong in not accepting full treatment? They said a vent could prolong your life. Do I want to make you stay in this world any longer than necessary? I will feed you, I consider that a comfort care and not life prolonging. They tell me you won't feel hunger or thirst, but I want to err on the side of caution. I don't want you to feel any discomfort. I only want you to feel the love of your family. I hope you don't grow tired of being in someones arms, because we won't put you down until you have to leave us.
There is joy in my heart that you will be in the arms of our Lord, and one day I will see you again. Yet also sorrow that I am keeping you safe in me, birthing you, and knowing you won't be living at home with me, that I won't get to raise you.
I need to trust that God has a plan for you, for me and your dad, and for your siblings, and one day we may know that plan.
Forever in my heart.