Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Dear Asher,
I feel like I am giving up on you. We have decided not to subject you to possibly painful medical procedures in an attempt to prolong your life. We have decided to accept you for however long God gives you to us. But am I giving you a fair chance? Am I wrong in not accepting full treatment? They said a vent could prolong your life. Do I want to make you stay in this world any longer than necessary? I will feed you, I consider that a comfort care and not life prolonging. They tell me you won't feel hunger or thirst, but I want to err on the side of caution. I don't want you to feel any discomfort. I only want you to feel the love of your family. I hope you don't grow tired of being in someones arms, because we won't put you down until you have to leave us.
There is joy in my heart that you will be in the arms of our Lord, and one day I will see you again. Yet also sorrow that I am keeping you safe in me, birthing you, and knowing you won't be living at home with me, that I won't get to raise you.
I need to trust that God has a plan for you, for me and your dad, and for your siblings, and one day we may know that plan.
Forever in my heart.


  1. I Believe God gives these precious Babies a kind of understanding that is beyond our comprehension.Asher does not doubt your love in any way, your sorrow fills his heart with love. I think..know...he already undertsands and knows your love, hears your voice and feels your loving touch.

  2. *hug* I think the choices we have to make when faced with carrying a baby to term we know will not live long after birth are very difficult as well as personal. We went the same route as to not do anything heroic to prolong Lilly's life, and we don't regret it in the slightest. I believe all babies know is love. I agree with Stephanie, Asher does not doubt your love.

    love and prayers