more midnight ramblings

So its not really midnight(its 3 am).
I just spent a few days in the hospital. Mom took me in because I was having some pretty severe pain in my lower back and upper abdominal area. They found my potassium was extremely high as well as my calcium level. Not sure why, but they are back to near normal. Kidney function tests show some decline in kidney function from the previous test. They kept me on a monitor nearly the entire time I was there, it only showed a few contractions a day, most of which I didn't even notice. In 2 wks they will be starting me on steroids to help the babies lungs mature a little faster, give them better odds if born to early.

Overall, it wasn't to bad a stay, and I am feeling better. They think its just muscle pain from the strain of the pregnancy, my belly growing to fast etc. I got the lecture again about taking the pain meds they put me on before. I really hate them and I admit I hadn't been taking them much.
Asher is still alive. Sometimes I need that confirmation. I have found a doctor willing to see me when needed while I am here at moms, even if thats just a couple weeks. He wants me to stop in tomorrow for an office ultrasound to check Ashers heartbeat. It's been hovering around 100, which isn't to good.

I keep telling myself I am prepared for this emotionally. But I know I'm not.
Methodical. Thats what mom called me. I have post it note lists all over my laptop, the book I'm reading, my headboard. ok, even my lamp has some. Things we still need to take care of, things I need to get, things to ask the doc. Every few days I organize them in a notebook. It's all part of the OCD. My last doc thinks I may also have ADD.

In other words...we are fairly certain we have names chosen for the other two. Mathew Aidan, and Lillith Aaliyah Samara. We may change our minds down the road, but for now those are their names.

For those that noticed, yes they are predominantly Hebrew names. A little background that is factoring into many things. My maternal grandmother is Jewish. My Mother is a convert to Catholicism. I was born and raised a Catholic. However, according to Judaism's law of matrilineal descent, Jewish identity is passed on via the mother only, so traditionally, I am considered a Jew, as will my children be. From a religious/church standpoint, I am Catholic. Our children will be Baptized into the church. This does create some conflict between my mother and grandmother, most of which I ignore. My grandmother has come to me and asked me to incorporate some aspects of her faith into the funeral of Asher and into the babies lives. I will meet with her and see what she wants to do. I will not raise the kids duel religions, but I will be more than happy for them to learn their heritage.

anyway, lots of ramblings.